Proverbs 13:2
(Message) “A refusal to correct is a
refusal to love; love
your children by disciplining them.”
Have
you ever seen a child from another family throw a temper tantrum? And you
thought to yourself, “My child will never
do that”. And then it happens to
you? Those times are definite
motivators to do something about it...to find a way to discipline my child so
she’ll stop having temper tantrums.
Whether my child needs correction for something major, or minor, discipline
is an act of love as a parent. If
I don’t take the time to stop and lovingly correct my child, then I’m missing
an opportunity for them to learn and to mature, and hopefully one day to be self-disciplined. The side benefit of this is peace for
the parents!
“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will
bring you the delights you desire.”
Proverbs 29:17
Most
parents are hesitant when they begin the discipline process with their young
child. Yet, this is the time the
child begins asserting their will, whether it’s loud and in-your-face, or
passive-aggressive. Have you
noticed that? Their favorite word
between 12-18 months is “NO” to whatever you say! They already want to be in control. How do you start this discipline
process, especially when your child is just a toddler?
Some
parents try talking to their preschooler
to avoid the “painful” part of discipline. Talk doesn’t mean anything to them at this age. They are too young to reason. They don’t know it, but they need us to teach them what is good and
bad, right and wrong. When we take
action to discipline and give them boundaries, they feel a sense of security
and being loved. After you
discipline them, hug them and remind them how much you love them. When they obey you, praise them.
As
your child grows into elementary-school
age, talking with them is more effective. They are able to reason more at this point. (Do
not say, “Because I said so”. That is not reasoning!) In addition to
talking with them, continue to take action and give them physical consequences
(like no TV, or computer games, phone calls/texts, etc). It helps to give them a consequence in
the arena of what they are disobeying, so they can make the connection. Cause-effect
can happen naturally, though.
Don’t “rescue” your child, or keep back discipline they need, or they
will not learn the lesson they need to learn.
In
the teen years, you will talk
even more with them about the issues, along with consequences. Think of this as a time of preparing
them for adulthood, and helping them learn self-discipline. Aim to help them be self-motivated to
do what is right by thinking through different scenarios. (If I do what is wrong, ___ will happen. If I do what is right, ___ will
happen.) As they learn to think through their situation
and act maturely, they will come to respect/love themselves. (Jesus said, “Love your neighbor, as yourself.”)
If you need ideas to get started with discipline, talk with
your friends and find out what they are doing. Read books on different ways of disciplining, and try
different things to see what works with your child. Different personalities respond to (or need) different types
of discipline.
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