Discipline (wk 4) -- More Tips

Here are some tips for disciplining in love.  Most of these apply to younger children, but some are effective for all ages:

1~Establish boundaries.  Talk with them about what is not permissible (wrong actions, bad attitudes).  Ask younger children if they have ideas, too.  They would probably love to voice their opinion!

2~Discuss the consequences of wrong behavior and attitudes so they know in advance what action you will take.  The consequence should be more “costly” than the wrong behavior in order to help bring about change.  Your child may have some ideas about this, too.

3~Before you discipline them, make sure they understand what offense they are committing.  Have them tell you what wrong they have done, and what the consequence is (from what you have already discussed).

4~Decide to take whatever time is necessary to deal with the issue, whether it’s a few minutes or hours.

5~Deal with the issue right away, or as soon as possible.

6~When your child tests the boundaries, stick to them, don’t waver!  If you’re consistent, they know what to expect.  In this way, you’re actually letting them know you love them!

7~Keep your cool!  Don’t take action to discipline your child when you’re angry.  I know...it’s easy to say, hard to do.  If you need to, give yourself a short time-out to calm down first, or ask your spouse if he/she can handle the matter. 

Eph. 6:4  “Fathers (and Mothers), do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Col. 3:21 “Fathers (and Mothers), do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

8~Check for a repentant heart in your child after you discipline them.  If a child is still stubborn, repeat the discipline, until they change their heart and attitude.

9~Wrap up your time of discipline with prayer.  Have your child ask Jesus to forgive them for (name the specific wrong).  This makes things right with God.  Then have them ask forgiveness of any person they’ve wronged.  This helps prevent bitterness or resentment.

Discipline is messy.  Even with structure and boundaries, it bleeds over the lines.  And it’s usually filled with emotion.  Ask God for wisdom, and He will give it to you.  Let “love” be your guide.  Put yourself in their shoes, and you might gain a better perspective.  

You will do a great job! 

Discipline (wk 3)--Talking vs Action?

Proverbs 13:2 (Message) “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.”

Have you ever seen a child from another family throw a temper tantrum? And you thought to yourself, “My child will never do that”.  And then it happens to you?  Those times are definite motivators to do something about it...to find a way to discipline my child so she’ll stop having temper tantrums.  Whether my child needs correction for something major, or minor, discipline is an act of love as a parent.  If I don’t take the time to stop and lovingly correct my child, then I’m missing an opportunity for them to learn and to mature, and hopefully one day to be self-disciplined.  The side benefit of this is peace for the parents!   

“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.”  Proverbs 29:17

Most parents are hesitant when they begin the discipline process with their young child.  Yet, this is the time the child begins asserting their will, whether it’s loud and in-your-face, or passive-aggressive.  Have you noticed that?  Their favorite word between 12-18 months is “NO” to whatever you say!  They already want to be in control.  How do you start this discipline process, especially when your child is just a toddler?

Some parents try talking to their preschooler to avoid the “painful” part of discipline.  Talk doesn’t mean anything to them at this age.  They are too young to reason.  They don’t know it, but they need us to teach them what is good and bad, right and wrong.  When we take action to discipline and give them boundaries, they feel a sense of security and being loved.  After you discipline them, hug them and remind them how much you love them.  When they obey you, praise them.

As your child grows into elementary-school age, talking with them is more effective.  They are able to reason more at this point.  (Do not say, “Because I said so”.  That is not reasoning!) In addition to talking with them, continue to take action and give them physical consequences (like no TV, or computer games, phone calls/texts, etc).  It helps to give them a consequence in the arena of what they are disobeying, so they can make the connection. Cause-effect can happen naturally, though.  Don’t “rescue” your child, or keep back discipline they need, or they will not learn the lesson they need to learn.

In the teen years, you will talk even more with them about the issues, along with consequences.  Think of this as a time of preparing them for adulthood, and helping them learn self-discipline.  Aim to help them be self-motivated to do what is right by thinking through different scenarios.  (If I do what is wrong, ___ will happen.  If I do what is right, ___ will happen.)   As they learn to think through their situation and act maturely, they will come to respect/love themselves.  (Jesus said, “Love your neighbor, as yourself.”)

If you need ideas to get started with discipline, talk with your friends and find out what they are doing.  Read books on different ways of disciplining, and try different things to see what works with your child.  Different personalities respond to (or need) different types of discipline.