The Lost Art of Manners

"Thanks for dinner, aunt Tami."  My teenage nephew, Jon, always tells me this when I cook for him.  Inside of me, a bombshell of happiness goes off!  Did you grow up in a family where manners were encouraged?  I did.  I was taught to say “Yes, Ma’am” (even though I wasn’t from the south!), and “Mr.” or “Mrs.” when addressing an adult.  At the dinner table, I had to finish all the food on my plate, ask to be excused, and then take my dishes to the sink and wash them.  I was taught to say “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, and various other mannerly phrases.  I was also taught to let others go first, to open the door for people, etc.  All of these eventually became a habit…of which I am grateful for.  As I grew older, these habits became useful in life.  They helped me in my jobs.  They also helped me in my relationships.  People responded better when I was courteous and treated them with respect.  You could also say that manners became a way of serving others, of “counting others as more important than myself,” (Phil. 2:3), as long as I had the right attitude! 

Do you practice manners in your home?  Manners are about our relationship with others.  Manners build character.  Did you know that no matter how young a child is, they can learn manners?  Start off simple, and grow from there.  As a child, expressing manners was a chore to me.  But when I became an adult, I could say that I was glad my parents taught me manners.  So, hang in there!

The following verses give just a few examples of manners:

Eph 4:32 “And be kind to one another…”

I Cor 13:4, 5 “Love does not brag and is not arrogant…does not seek its own…”

Phil 2:4 “…look out for…the interests of others.”

Gal 6:10 “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men…”

Gal 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

Matthew 22:39 "Love your neighbor..."

Matthew 5:44 "Love your enemies..." 

I challenge you and your children to practice manners in your home with each other.  If you can do it there, you can do it anywhere!

How Do I Love Thee? (Not Me)

This past week LOVE was in the air!  Whenever Valentine’s Day came around, we would give our girls cards and candy—not to spoil them but because it was another chance to remind them how much we love them.  We continue this “act of love” to this day, even though they are adults!  One of the questions I kept asking myself as my girls were growing up is, “How can I love them with their own distinct uniquenesses?”  How can your children know that they are loved?  Is it possible to think you’re loving your children, when you’re really only loving yourself? or trying to fill a void in your own life? 

Gary Chapman wrote a book about five “love languages”.  See if you can figure out the most meaningful way your child receives love; and then love them in their language.

Words of affirmation – Compliments and words of encouragement mean the world to this person.  Hearing the words, “I love you” are very important, as well as the reasons why you love them.

Quality time – Full and undivided attention, eyeball to eyeball, says “I love you” like nothing else.  Being there, fully engaged, without interruption or distractions is important to this person.

Receiving gifts – Unlike materialism, this person thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.  The perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized.

Acts of service – Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility or work for this person will speak volumes.  They love to hear the words, “Let me do that for you.”

Physical touch – Hugs, a pat on the back, thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face are all expressions that show concern, care and love.  Your physical presence and accessibility mean a lot.

If you have a hard time figuring out your child’s love language, notice how they love other people, and that is most likely their love language!  Be ready to speak a love language different than your own.

I Cor. 13:8  “Love never fails.”

On Mission with your Faith Community

We’ve seen that a missional lifestyle involves our family being on mission together.  It also includes our own personal mission.   A third way to live on mission is with our faith community.   Since our church is like a “second family”, we love each other and want to share God’s love with those who don’t know Him.  We call it “serving others with others”.  There are so many ways we can do this…by serving at church, in the local community, or perhaps going abroad to bring tangible help, as well as God’s message, to the needy.  A good way to start is by serving those who are right there at your church; or by joining your church in ways they are already serving the world around them.  Find a way to get involved with your brothers and sisters in Christ, together, serving your community.

One of the many ways the Mosaic community extends God’s love is by going to Ensenada, Mexico.  One year, my husband, Dave, went with the Artisan ministry to paint a mural.  He took one of our daughters with him.  She loved it!  She not only got to use her artistic gifts to leave an indelible and beautiful mark in Ensenada, but she made some friendships on the team that she still has to this day, 10 years later, because the team worked and played together, sharing Jesus with their art.  It was a bonding experience.

My favorite day of the week is Sunday!  I look forward to meeting up with my church family and together sharing God’s love with those who are searching for him.  Our time on this earth is short...let’s bring as many as we can into God’s family!

 “In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world...I'm praying not only for them but also for those who will believe in me because of them and their witness about me. The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, so they might be one heart and mind with us.  Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.”    John 17:18, 20-22 (The Message)  

Personal Mission

What a privilege it is to join God in accomplishing His work here on earth!  He actually entrusts us to love others, help others and sacrifice for others in the name of Jesus.  We are on mission with God, holding His hand as we go, and bringing others with us along the way. 

We saw last week that one way we can carry out His mission is through our family...having a family mission.  God also gives each person a mission, with gifts to fulfill that calling.

There is no denying that every person is unique—not only in physical characteristics, but also in personality, thought processes, expression of feelings, relating with people, and so much more.  You can definitely see that in each of your children, right?  You might even wonder where some of those characteristics came from.  God creates us the way He wants us, and as we allow Him, He uses our lives to bless others in our own unique ways. 

“God’s various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all.  Each person is given something to do that shows who God is.  Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.  All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people!  The variety is wonderful…All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God.  He decides who gets what, and when.”  

I Cor. 12:4-11

What gifts do you have?  What gifts do your children have?  How are you helping them develop and use their gifts?  How are you using your gift(s) to help your family?  Your friends?  The people you come across during your day?