Discipline (wk 2) -- A Change Within

Last week, we discovered that discipline is for our good, and our child’s good, even though it is painful.  The result is peace and right relationship...with God, and between our child and us.  We can’t just let our child’s wrong behavior and attitudes slide by without addressing them with the proper discipline...or they won’t mature and learn. 

This week, I want to address the question, “What’s the end goal of discipline?”  When we were raising our daughters, we wanted to discipline them in a manner that would cause them to want to change.  Change comes easier when the child wants it, rather than having it forced upon them.  When your child does something wrong, or disobeys you, what is the cause of it?  What makes them turn into a monster at times?  (Why do we turn into a monster at times?)  Where does this come from? And how can we get to the source of why we need discipline? 

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Proverbs tells me that the HEART is where the springs of life flow from.  The heart is the core.  It’s the source of a person’s thoughts and beliefs.  If we can affect our child’s thoughts, and beliefs, we can affect their heart...and in turn their attitudes and actions for good.  What condition is my child’s heart in right now?  Is it tender toward me? and Jesus?  When I discipline my child, am I affecting his heart, and not just trying to change his behavior?  How can I discipline in a manner that causes heart change, not just outward change?  These are questions to ask ourselves (and others) to find out what kind of discipline works for each child.

“Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp is one of the best books I’ve read on how to reach your child’s heart, and how discipline fits into the picture.  “Written for parents with children of any age...it provides perspectives and procedures for shepherding your child's heart into the paths of life...”  Let’s be like a shepherd, and discipline our “sheep” with love and watch-care over their hearts...so that they will experience flowing springs of life!

The Art of Discipline (wk 1)

Have you ever thought of discipline as an art?  It must be an art because cultures all over the world, and down through the centuries have dealt with discipline in a multitude of ways...and beautiful people have emerged.  Some cultures use fear to discipline their children.  Some use shame.   Some don’t discipline at all, and let the child be in control.  With all the different ways children have been raised, there is not one right way.  But, thankfully, there are principles that are given to us in scripture to help us figure this out!

Most of us can't get past the pain of discipline, and would rather avoid it.  Yet, God tells us that, “He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in His holiness”.   Wow.  It's for our GOOD...and, so we can be like Him.  If He disciplines us in this way, how much more should we do the same for our children?  We also read that discipline is not joyful...it’s sad.  So who wouldn't want to avoid it?  However, if we allow ourselves to go through it, and be trained by it, we experience peace and good in the end.  We are right with our heavenly Father.  As parents, let's discipline our children in such a way that the outcome will be good for them, bring peace, and mature them in their relationship with God.

Hebrews 12:10-11  “...but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (NASB)

 "But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God." (The Message)

Imagine if the way you discipline your children:

--is for their good (does not shame them, or cause them undue fear)

--is so their character becomes more like God’s

--brings peace and right living?

Sign me up!

In the weeks ahead, we will be looking at discipline as an art.  What does it look like?  How do we practice it in a healthy way?  What does it accomplish?  It's for our good.  Sharing in His holiness.

In Ten Years...

Ten years ago, life was quite different...remember?  What was the world like?  How old were you?  What were your dreams?  When I was a kid, I thought ten years seemed like eternity!  As an adult, I realize how quickly it can pass by.  Just ten years ago, my youngest daughter, Deborah, was 12 years old.  Now she’s 22 and graduated from college!  So much life happened for her during that time.  So many life-shaping, life-influencing events and decisions.  Now think of your child(ren).  How old will they be in ten years?  We have the opportunity to influence their thinking, attitudes and actions...right now.  We can help mold them to be the adult we dream for them to be.

Dave and I dreamed and prayed for our daughters to know God and Jesus in a personal relationship.  We also wanted them to be world-changers, to be leaders in their generation...through their character and life decisions.  That didn’t just “happen”.  We were intentional about what we poured into their hearts and minds, and the boundaries we set for them.  Interestingly, many of those boundaries became their own as they grew up. 

What do you picture your child(ren) being like in ten years from now?  How can you influence and shape them toward that dream?  They will make their own decisions along the way, but we can guide them by what we talk to them about, and what we do with them.  Set some long range goals, then break them down into short range goals.  Look for the type of books and media you want them to learn from.  Have a plan.  Be intentional.  Keep motivated, and you will see fruit.  Just like an athlete trains, be diligent in the hard work.  In ten years from now, you’ll think back to this day and be glad you took the steps you did!

“Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”  I Cor. 9:24-27