How Do I Love Thee? (Not Me)

This past week LOVE was in the air!  Whenever Valentine’s Day came around, we would give our girls cards and candy—not to spoil them but because it was another chance to remind them how much we love them.  We continue this “act of love” to this day, even though they are adults!  One of the questions I kept asking myself as my girls were growing up is, “How can I love them with their own distinct uniquenesses?”  How can your children know that they are loved?  Is it possible to think you’re loving your children, when you’re really only loving yourself? or trying to fill a void in your own life? 

Gary Chapman wrote a book about five “love languages”.  See if you can figure out the most meaningful way your child receives love; and then love them in their language.

Words of affirmation – Compliments and words of encouragement mean the world to this person.  Hearing the words, “I love you” are very important, as well as the reasons why you love them.

Quality time – Full and undivided attention, eyeball to eyeball, says “I love you” like nothing else.  Being there, fully engaged, without interruption or distractions is important to this person.

Receiving gifts – Unlike materialism, this person thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.  The perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized.

Acts of service – Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility or work for this person will speak volumes.  They love to hear the words, “Let me do that for you.”

Physical touch – Hugs, a pat on the back, thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face are all expressions that show concern, care and love.  Your physical presence and accessibility mean a lot.

If you have a hard time figuring out your child’s love language, notice how they love other people, and that is most likely their love language!  Be ready to speak a love language different than your own.

I Cor. 13:8  “Love never fails.”

On Mission with your Faith Community

We’ve seen that a missional lifestyle involves our family being on mission together.  It also includes our own personal mission.   A third way to live on mission is with our faith community.   Since our church is like a “second family”, we love each other and want to share God’s love with those who don’t know Him.  We call it “serving others with others”.  There are so many ways we can do this…by serving at church, in the local community, or perhaps going abroad to bring tangible help, as well as God’s message, to the needy.  A good way to start is by serving those who are right there at your church; or by joining your church in ways they are already serving the world around them.  Find a way to get involved with your brothers and sisters in Christ, together, serving your community.

One of the many ways the Mosaic community extends God’s love is by going to Ensenada, Mexico.  One year, my husband, Dave, went with the Artisan ministry to paint a mural.  He took one of our daughters with him.  She loved it!  She not only got to use her artistic gifts to leave an indelible and beautiful mark in Ensenada, but she made some friendships on the team that she still has to this day, 10 years later, because the team worked and played together, sharing Jesus with their art.  It was a bonding experience.

My favorite day of the week is Sunday!  I look forward to meeting up with my church family and together sharing God’s love with those who are searching for him.  Our time on this earth is short...let’s bring as many as we can into God’s family!

 “In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world...I'm praying not only for them but also for those who will believe in me because of them and their witness about me. The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, so they might be one heart and mind with us.  Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.”    John 17:18, 20-22 (The Message)  

Personal Mission

What a privilege it is to join God in accomplishing His work here on earth!  He actually entrusts us to love others, help others and sacrifice for others in the name of Jesus.  We are on mission with God, holding His hand as we go, and bringing others with us along the way. 

We saw last week that one way we can carry out His mission is through our family...having a family mission.  God also gives each person a mission, with gifts to fulfill that calling.

There is no denying that every person is unique—not only in physical characteristics, but also in personality, thought processes, expression of feelings, relating with people, and so much more.  You can definitely see that in each of your children, right?  You might even wonder where some of those characteristics came from.  God creates us the way He wants us, and as we allow Him, He uses our lives to bless others in our own unique ways. 

“God’s various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all.  Each person is given something to do that shows who God is.  Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.  All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people!  The variety is wonderful…All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God.  He decides who gets what, and when.”  

I Cor. 12:4-11

What gifts do you have?  What gifts do your children have?  How are you helping them develop and use their gifts?  How are you using your gift(s) to help your family?  Your friends?  The people you come across during your day?

Family Mission

I love my sister!  We are alike in a lot of ways, yet we each have our own distinctiveness.   We both love being a mom, and we each have four children.  We love holidays, traditions and family gatherings, homemade ice cream, and creating fun and memorable times.  She used to live halfway around the globe, which made those things a little challenging at times, living here in Los Angeles.  She sings and writes beautiful poetry.  I play the piano.  She loves animals.  I tolerate a dog and a cat at my house.  However, we both share a high priority for living a missional lifestyle—sharing Jesus with others through our lives.  We utilize our homes and lives as missional outposts. 

There are three aspects that make up this perspective in our lives.  I will share the first one this week, and the other two in the following two weeks.

First, take a look at your family.  God has given your family a mission.  It is easy to understand that God has a mission for each of us as an individual, but he also has a mission for your family to accomplish.   My family enjoys hosting people—for parties, small groups, dinners, etc.  We want people to feel loved in a warm, welcoming atmosphere.  We love to share through the arts as well—movies, live shows, music, art, etc.  We try to celebrate anything we can—with other people!  My sister’s family participates in events that reach out to other cultures and faiths through holiday parties, Karaoke nights, meals at other’s homes, and even through helping the homeless and distressed by packaging supplies and food and taking it to them.

Your family has particular strengths.  Extraordinary gifts.  Distinctive uniquenesses.  What are they?  What characteristics have others expressed to you that typify your family?  As you think about these qualities, bring them to your family and talk about them.  Discuss how you can excel in loving others and sharing Jesus with your own unique expressions! 

Isaiah 8:18 (NIV) “Here am I, and the children the Lord has given me. We are signs and symbols in Israel from the Lord almighty…”

A Heart for God

One of my greatest desires for my children was for them to make a decision to follow Christ, to know him personally.  I wanted them to experience a full and “alive” life...one that involved an ongoing desire to please God.  I also wanted to know that they would spend eternity with God.  The motivation that leads a child (or adult) to this decision is having a heart for God, to want what God wants for our life.  Our heart is all about our deepest desires.  As a mom, how can I motivate my child’s desires, and help them enter into a personal relationship with Jesus?  How can I affect their heart to please God?  Here are a few ways:

1) Read the Bible to your children.  In the New Testament, we discover that Timothy learned the scriptures as a child from his mother and grandmother (II Tim 1:5 & 3:15), and that the scriptures gave him wisdom which led to his salvation.  As you read people’s stories in the Bible, point out God’s character, who He is, and how he interacted with these individuals.  Encourage them to ask questions (although, this may come naturally!)

2) Model a heart for God.  Let them see you read God’s word, pray to Him, and serve others.  Also, let them know you make mistakes and sin, but that you ask God for forgiveness.   When you do something that hurts your child, ask their forgiveness.  And then love on them. 

3) Pray with them.  Teach them to pray by letting them repeat after you in prayer (when they're young), and later to pray on their own.  Encourage them to pray aloud.  Point out when God answers their prayer! (finding a lost toy, etc.)

4) Foster an environment where they are comfortable and inspired to ask questions about God (through music, stories, movies, etc)  Grab those teachable moments--even when you don't think you have time (or patience) for them!  Let them know their questions are good!  We may not have answers, but that’s a good time to teach faith and trust in God’s sovereignty.

We can’t make our child choose to follow God, but we can strongly influence them with our lives and prayers to have a heart for him and enter into a personal relationship with him.  Remember--children imitate what they see,

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”  Proverbs 4:23

 “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.”  III John 4

Pass it On...Family Traditions

What can I give my children to pass on to their future family?  Family heirlooms are a definite possibility.  Yet, I think there is something even more valuable than tangible gifts.  Family traditions.  We adopted quite a few traditions that we absolutely love!  I’d like to share some with you...

For Valentine’s Day, Dave and I usually plan something special for the girls.  When they were growing up, we took them to lunch or a movie, gave them “love baskets” filled with goodies, etc.  We still celebrate by giving them cards and tokens of our love, never wanting to miss an opportunity to say, “I love you!” 

Every summer, we go on a family vacation.  As we raised our girls, we would typically go to our timeshare in Lake Tahoe.  We have precious and innumerable memories of our family, cousins, grandparents and friends having the time of our lives...swimming, sea-doing, parasailing, hiking, bicycling, pedaling a surrey, campfires, great bbq’s and tons of pictures.

To initiate the fall season, we take our annual trip to the Los Angeles County Fair, enjoying the various displays, artwork, gardens, shows, and of course, our favorites—the food and the Pig Races! 

October brings the opportunity to visit Oak Glen and pick apples, make fresh apple cider, take a pumpkin home, and go to the local fair, with homemade crafts, food and their famously huge apple pie.

And of course, at Thanksgiving we gather together to share a meal, and at Christmas we give meaningful gifts to one another. 

Throughout the year, everyone’s birthday is celebrated with a special “family dinner”.  The birthday person gets to choose their menu, and we celebrate with lots of laughter, and a raucous rendition of “Happy Birthday”! 

Traditions create memories never to be forgotten.  They give value and identity to your family, times of bonding, and experiences to pass on to the next generation.  They are an excuse to celebrate one another...and have FUN!  (By the way, feel free to invite others to join you in your celebrations!  They will feel a part of your family.)

Ps 100:5  “For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting, and His faithfulness to all generations.”

The Investment of a Mom

Recently, a friend of mine was talking with one of her friends who was wondering “if motherhood is really so important”.  The world says that we are number one, and should look out for ourselves.  My friend wanted to tell her, “This (being a mom) is the most important job there is!  We have the opportunity to influence a life.  Children are important!”

Another friend of mine is an experienced aeronautical engineer.  She met a great guy, started dating, and before long was married and started a family.  By their third child, she told me, “Being a mom is a lot harder than being an engineer!  But it is so rewarding.”  Imagine that!  She also expressed it is the best investment she has made with her life.

 

When a mom invests in her children, she is investing in the kingdom of God, and in future generations.  She is shaping and molding their life, influencing their thoughts, affecting their attitudes, and training them in godly actions.  Yes, the investment is up-front 24/7—at times exhausting!  But, the pay-off is for the rest of their lives, and for eternity…it’s more than worth it! 

As you begin this new year, consider specific ways you can influence your child—think of goals to help them grow and mature in different areas—physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, intellectually.  Maturity doesn’t “just happen randomly”—it takes thought, planning and work. 

Intentional investment makes a difference.  It matters.  Especially in the small stuff.

Matthew 19:14  “Jesus said, ‘Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”